Don't you hate those times when you feel like you've overcome an obstacle, moved on, allowed God to change you, and then you fall right back into the exact same trap?
These are things which I call 'old chains'. Things that used to hold me back and stop me from finding God's best, but through God's grace, I was able to let go of. Sometimes they were mental attitudes, patterns of behaviour, emotions, compromising situations or even people. You realise that they're having a negative effect so you try and shake them off and maybe think you've succeeded for a while...
But then you stumble. You fall pretty hard. You realise the thing that tripped and grabbed you was an old chain. One you thought you'd thrown out a long time ago. It wraps itself around you and somehow inside you and suddenly you remember just how heavy it is.
Heavy with guilt.
With shame.
With lust.
With lies.
With self-loathing.
With regret.
With darkness.
With sin.
It pulls you down from mountain top to ocean bed.
You're not quite sure how you got here, but then you look back... A few wrong decisions, thoughtless acts, a step or two in the wrong direction and before you know it, you're running head long into the embrace of a sinful yet sickeningly familiar embrace.
It's not that they're comfortable, because believe me they are anything but. I think it's because they bring a disturbing safety. They're a known quantity.
I guess what my little trip to 'a-place-I-should-not-have-gone' has taught me, is that I am weak. Completely useless. Thoroughly incapable. Utterly ridiculous. Unbelievably naive. And gob-smackingly stupid.
The reason I fell back was not because God does not have the power to overcome, but because I never asked him to. In my guilt and my shame I believed the lie that it was my responsibility to remove the chains in my own strength. But that is simply not true.
God sees my wrong-doing and he loves me anyway. He knows where the chains cut in and soothes the wounds. He is the perfect healer and has all power to repair the damage I have done.
But this comes alongside my free will. I need to choose that I want God to remove these chains from me. In that one moment of surrender, He has the power to not only release but to shatter these chains.
'In all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.' ~ Romans 8:37
I know it won't be easy from now on, but I know a God who can conquer anything and everything I will ever face with ease. He died to set us free and He lives to see us dance in this freedom.
I just need to ask him to shatter the chains that I've allowed to have a hold on me for far too long.
And then actually allow him to do it.
