Exams. There. I said it.
That word alone is enough to strike core-shaking fear into the hearts and minds of students worldwide!
As it's my final term at school, you can probably guess that life is more than a bit tense right now. Every essay I write, every note I make, every picture I take, every last second is building up to the final day. If I don't pull it off on the day then its all over. And I guess I could say that it all counted for nothing.
I worked out today what it is that makes exams so scary. For me, I hate being judged. Knowing that other people see what I do and then judge my by it. It's a terrifying thought that in a few weeks time someone will be reading whatever I can write in a couple of short hours, and then making a judgement accordingly.
That's the main reason why I so strongly dislike the examination system. How is two hours possibly enough for anyone to record everything they have learnt over the last two years?! It's just unrealistic, and yet they still expect us to adhere to this evil and caniving scheme that they invent just to torture us. What next? A yearly event where they choose two kids from each county to fight against other kids their age to win food for their county? Although that is rather a good idea for a book...
Anyway, I am blessed enough to know that exams aren't everything. There is more to life than what the world tells me I have achieved. God sees my heart, and however many times I may fail or mess up, in exams, and in my journey to follow him, he loves me anyway. And God's love isn't something that is dependent on how well I can perform on the day. It isn't going to either fade or grow depending on results day. No, it is an unconditional, unfaltering, unchanging, undeserved, gracious, all-encompassing promise that he will be loving me, pursuing me, and holding my heart until the end of time. And beyond.
Friday 11 May 2012
Monday 7 May 2012
Confessing my Obsessing
For anyone that knows me, this will not me breaking news. I am an obsession-junkie.
You know how some people are like thrill-junkies so they have to get the next thrill in order to feel fulfilled? Well I'm exactly like that, just with obsessions.
Normal people can just 'like' things, or think they're 'cool. Me? Oh no. I read every news article about them, buy t-shirts of them, try every flavour, listen to every song, stalk their facebook page, talk about them non-stop, and say things like 'I'd be happy to live on (insert current obsession) for the rest of my life'.
Now, having read that, you are probably in one of two camps...
1. 'Well that's fair enough, right? We all have foibles, and its not like its hurting anyone.'
2. 'Close the window, lock the doors, she's coming for us!!!'
If you're in camp 2, then don't worry! I'm not known to actually physically stalk people, only in virtual reality. But there's always a first... I joke, I JOKE!
But if you're in camp 1, then I must tell you that you are most terribly wrong. Maybe its not hurting anyone else, but its sure-as-eggs hurting me!
Every time I get completely hooked on this one thing, be it tea, The Hunger Games (Team Everlark!!), a band, or a certain lovely young gentleman who is remaining completely and utterly nameless *moving on*, it starts to take over my life. It consumes my every thought, and I start to dwell on it, thinking about when I can next get another cuppa, read another chapter, watch another band interview, or simply see said young gentleman.
But I don't want tea or a book or a band or a crush taking control of my life, no matter how amazing I may think they are. No, that's where I want God to be. I want to constantly be thinking about him, when I'm next going to see him work in my life, meet with him in prayer, hear his words in the bible, feel his touch on my heart, and talk about him with other people.
Because a book won't be there when I fall. A band won't be there when I'm lonely. Even a guy won't be able to plan my future perfectly. Only God can. So I want to be completely and utterly obsessed with him, because I'm told that He is completely and utterly obsessed with me...
You know how some people are like thrill-junkies so they have to get the next thrill in order to feel fulfilled? Well I'm exactly like that, just with obsessions.
Normal people can just 'like' things, or think they're 'cool. Me? Oh no. I read every news article about them, buy t-shirts of them, try every flavour, listen to every song, stalk their facebook page, talk about them non-stop, and say things like 'I'd be happy to live on (insert current obsession) for the rest of my life'.
Now, having read that, you are probably in one of two camps...
1. 'Well that's fair enough, right? We all have foibles, and its not like its hurting anyone.'
2. 'Close the window, lock the doors, she's coming for us!!!'
If you're in camp 2, then don't worry! I'm not known to actually physically stalk people, only in virtual reality. But there's always a first... I joke, I JOKE!
But if you're in camp 1, then I must tell you that you are most terribly wrong. Maybe its not hurting anyone else, but its sure-as-eggs hurting me!
Every time I get completely hooked on this one thing, be it tea, The Hunger Games (Team Everlark!!), a band, or a certain lovely young gentleman who is remaining completely and utterly nameless *moving on*, it starts to take over my life. It consumes my every thought, and I start to dwell on it, thinking about when I can next get another cuppa, read another chapter, watch another band interview, or simply see said young gentleman.
But I don't want tea or a book or a band or a crush taking control of my life, no matter how amazing I may think they are. No, that's where I want God to be. I want to constantly be thinking about him, when I'm next going to see him work in my life, meet with him in prayer, hear his words in the bible, feel his touch on my heart, and talk about him with other people.
Because a book won't be there when I fall. A band won't be there when I'm lonely. Even a guy won't be able to plan my future perfectly. Only God can. So I want to be completely and utterly obsessed with him, because I'm told that He is completely and utterly obsessed with me...
Saturday 5 May 2012
Mould me
I want to be like clay.
I want to be shaped and moulded my Him.
Him who knows me better than myself.
Him who formed me before time began.
Him who sees the true desires of my heart.
Him who has planned my future accordingly.
Him who sees all my actions, yet still chooses to love me.
I want Him who knows me best to make me better.
So I surrender to the Potter's Hands,
And beg from my heart,
"Mould me."
I want to be shaped and moulded my Him.
Him who knows me better than myself.
Him who formed me before time began.
Him who sees the true desires of my heart.
Him who has planned my future accordingly.
Him who sees all my actions, yet still chooses to love me.
I want Him who knows me best to make me better.
So I surrender to the Potter's Hands,
And beg from my heart,
"Mould me."
Friday 4 May 2012
Seeking Simplicity
Sometimes life just gets far too busy.
The world plagues us with layers and layers of junk. It's not always our fault and it rarely seems avoidable, but we're often the ones left to deal with it. And deal with it we must.
Either we sit under the pile of worthless garbage and let the world walk all over us. Or we ask God to start stripping away the layers or trash, and being to live in the freedom of simplicity.
Simplicity is good.
Simplicity is freeing.
But simplicity is scary.
Simplicity means that there is no longer anything for us to hide behind. No excuses. When the layers are gone, then all that's left is us, which means that everything we do is a direct reflection of ourselves. It's not a reflection of the mess in our lives, or the clutter that's skewed our moral judgement. No, this is just us. 100%.
But however hard it is to be that vulnerable, and to lose those layers that provide 'security' however useless, I'd rather live a life that allows me to follow God and seek his heart, rather than living a lie. Living the lie that I can get away with sin because 'I had no other option'. That my words don't matter because 'They provoked me'. That the way I dress doesn't matter because 'It's how I express myself'. That my actions don't matter because 'It's all harmless fun'.
I want every action I do to count for something bigger than myself. I want my life to count for God's plan for this earth. And to do that I need to clear out the clutter and seek the simplicity, however vulnerable it makes me, of rejecting the world's lies and living in God's truth.
What junk do you need to be getting rid of this weekend?
The world plagues us with layers and layers of junk. It's not always our fault and it rarely seems avoidable, but we're often the ones left to deal with it. And deal with it we must.
Either we sit under the pile of worthless garbage and let the world walk all over us. Or we ask God to start stripping away the layers or trash, and being to live in the freedom of simplicity.
Simplicity is good.
Simplicity is freeing.
But simplicity is scary.
Simplicity means that there is no longer anything for us to hide behind. No excuses. When the layers are gone, then all that's left is us, which means that everything we do is a direct reflection of ourselves. It's not a reflection of the mess in our lives, or the clutter that's skewed our moral judgement. No, this is just us. 100%.
But however hard it is to be that vulnerable, and to lose those layers that provide 'security' however useless, I'd rather live a life that allows me to follow God and seek his heart, rather than living a lie. Living the lie that I can get away with sin because 'I had no other option'. That my words don't matter because 'They provoked me'. That the way I dress doesn't matter because 'It's how I express myself'. That my actions don't matter because 'It's all harmless fun'.
I want every action I do to count for something bigger than myself. I want my life to count for God's plan for this earth. And to do that I need to clear out the clutter and seek the simplicity, however vulnerable it makes me, of rejecting the world's lies and living in God's truth.
What junk do you need to be getting rid of this weekend?
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