Thankful for the changer

Having returned to my blog after a few months, I have found a few old posts that were lurking in drafts, not quite ready to see the light of day. Here is one such post...

'It was about to be one of those mornings when I wake up in the dark and the rising sun simply isn't able to shed light on anything.
It was about to be one of those lunch times where I eat at the desk because taking a break makes me feel useless and it's easier to power on through.
It was about to be one of those afternoons where the office feels safe, because the walk home is long, and means facing either the loneliness of solitude or the loneliness of rejection.
It was about to be one of those crying on the bedroom floor evenings that I never seem to be mature and world-wise enough to get rid of.
It was about to be one of those nights when I curl up and try to make myself as small as possible, because life was easier when I was small and someone else cleared the debris.
It was about to be one of those midnights where I lie in bed longing for my phone to show some form of life but it only shows the time.

But then I decided today could be different. Today I could focus on someone else for a change.'

And the best thing? I feel like I've come so far since I wrote this post. I have focused on someone else, and the climate has changed. The darkness has been replaced with light, and while it was slow and felt like I was getting nowhere, I've left that place of hurt and pain and reached this beautiful new place of freedom. There were several things that God needed to draw out of me and work on with me, but He did so all in His perfect timing.

I know I still have a plethora of flaws and things that still need shaping and moulding, but I've never felt as free and as passionate and as brave and as strong and as crazy and as close to God and as close to the woman He is calling me to be as I do now.

It's just the best feeling in the world.