On receiving troublesome news...

Me: Why is this happening? I don't understand.

God: ...

Me: I thought we were on the same team and you know how much I like him, but I don't get why you're letting this happen. This hurts. I want him to be with me, not her.

God: I have better for you.

Me: But it doesn't get any better than him.

God: Do you not know me?!

Me: *speechless*

Kind of like being hit by a train, hearing that someone you still like is in a new relationship now really hurts. You see it coming from miles off. You hear the rumble in the tracks beneath you and you know you should move on but for some suicidal reason you decide to stay. You feel like maybe you can stop the inevitable.

The lights blare at you and everyone on the platform is screaming at you to move, but you're so numb that you can't. You've been there so long that you don't remember what anything else feels like. In some sick way, maybe the impact would remind you that you are alive.

You stare it down feeling nothing and everything all at once. Indifference and agony become one all-encompassing emotion. You try so hard not to care, but everything inside you wants to scream at the oncoming mass. Scream that this is revenge. Scream that he deserves to know how much it hurts. Scream that you don't want to live under his control. Scream that you want him gone from your life. Scream that it's his fault if you get hurt.

But the irony is that I am stood in his way, not he in mine.

I am the one that will be hurt.
I am the woman on the tracks.
I am the self-fulfilling prophesy.
I am the emotionally suicidal.
I am the one who can't move on.

I am the train wreck.