The Curse of Honesty...

This post also has several alternative titles...

1. The thing about not having boundaries
2. Praying for secrecy
3. Open Heart, Open Mouth, Open Wounds
4. Why I can't keep my gob shut.

As you may be able to tell, there's rather a lot going on in my head right now.

I'm a brutally honest person. Brutally BRUTALLY honest. Every time I have a conversation with someone the metaphorical landscape of our dialogue just looks like absolute carnage. I'm pretty sure my normal conversation actually scares people. For most people, 'How are you?' has never been met with quite so much heart-pouring explicitness before. But this is only one way.

This probably sounds really self-obsessed, but I have some weird kind of mental addiction with telling everyone everything about my life.

There you go. I said it. It is an addiction.

I don't know what I'm hooked on in particular though... Maybe it's the risk? The adrenaline rush as you suddenly admit some dreadful secret to someone that has become a trusted friend. Or the drama? When you have so much on your mind and you bump into someone you vaguely know and suddenly completely decimate them with a truckload of over-sharing. Or simply the need to find that one person I can share everything with? But I have found Him. And I don't.

That little filter that most people have between brain and mouth is just completely missing with me. If I trust people then I'll just go right out and tell them everything. You may be reading this and thinking 'What on earth is so bad about honesty? Surely having no boundaries is a good way to make and sustain good, healthy friendships?'

I'll tell you what's so bad about not having any boundaries...

You can never keep track of who knows what. And I sit here now and just think WHY did I tell that person about that. Even though they may not mean to, it's only really a matter of time before one of the many people I have told accidentally brings it up at the wrong time or hints too much. Then suddenly my cover is blown. The game is over. The person finds out. And my world implodes.

One slight slip of the tongue could so easily cause a whole plethora of other issues for me.

Honesty hurts. And the worst part? I only have myself to blame.
Yes, I am feeling rather upset with myself right now.